Nearly four years ago my 9 lbs 3 oz ginormous Brody boy made all my dreams come true when he made me a mother for the first time. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy with sleepless nights, sick days and alligator tears ahead, but I also knew it would be worth it. Being a mother has always been my greatest wish and now it’s my biggest blessing. Every day has been a journey.

When he turned three last year, Brody was ready for some independence so we signed him up for preschool, and sent him out on his own. No one told me how hard it would be to let my baby out into the big scary world. I wasn’t worried about how he would learn or how he would play with other because he is so smart and loving. BUT I was so worried about his fragile little heart was. We noticed that our Brody boy has always been a little more sensitive than the other kids. He feels things deeper.

As I watched Brody go to preschool all semester, switch schools for summer, stay home from a few mom/dad trips with the babysitter and play on his first soccer team, I realized his heart was a lot more tender than we even realized. I began searching for answers. Do we need to be tougher on him? Is it because we cuddle and love on him too much? How can I get him to finish a soccer game? How can I get him to stop crying when he gets in a fight with a friend? He’s such an amazing, obedient, sweet child, but when he is put into an uncomfortable situation, he loses it all and flops to the ground.

I read the Child Whisperer and felt incredibly validated as a parent. There’s no parenting handbook–each child is their own handbook! EVERY child is so different, which should be celebrated. I knew right away that Brody was considered Type 2: Sensitive Child like me. This is his TRUE NATURE, and it shouldn’t change just because the kids around him are a little bit tougher. (Piper was an obvious Type 3: Determined Child keeping us on our toes every second of toddler-hood. But that’s another blog post)

Type 2 Sensitive Child

Described as: Gentle, tender, mindful

Judged as: Shy, wimpy, hypersensitive

From this book I learned:

1. Your child might whine if they aren’t being heard. It’s a cry to be heard and acknowledged.

2. Your child needs you to slow down for their sake. Make a physical connection with them and bring the volume down sometimes.

3. Let your child feel their feelings. Give them this space and teach them to give permission to their feelings.

A few months ago I was introduced to another book by my sister, Lauren, called “The Highly Sensitive Child.” I was so intrigued I downloaded it on audible right away.THIS is my Brody boy to the T. Not just sensitive, but considered “HSC.” Not just adjectives to describe is personality. I took the Highly Sensitive Child test. (If you score 13 or higher, your child is considered “Highly Sensitive.”) Brody scored 21/23.

• learns better from a gentle correction than strong punishment!!!
• complains about scratchy clothing, seams in socks, or labels against his/her skin.
• seems to read my mind.
• uses big words for his/her age.
• notices the slightest unusual odor.
• has a clever sense of humor.
• seems very intuitive.
• is hard to get to sleep after an exciting day.
• doesn’t do well with big changes.
• wants to change clothes if wet or sandy.
• asks lots of questions.
• is a perfectionist.
• notices the distress of others.
• prefers quiet play.
• asks deep, thought-provoking questions.
• is very sensitive to pain.
• is bothered by noisy places.
• notices subtleties (something that’s been moved, a change in a person’s appearance, etc.)
• considers if it is safe before climbing high.
• performs best when strangers aren’t present.
• feels things deeply!!!

Unfortunately we as a society believe that boys = tough. They shouldn’t cry when their hurt. They must be tough and aggressive to be real men. I’ve seen this my whole life being raised with another HSC boy, who is probably the best human I know. “Rub some dirt on it and get over it” doesn’t work for Brody…and not because he’s being overdramatic or trying to manipulate people around him.

Positive Traits of the Sensitive Male:

• Compassion
• Gentleness
• The ability to act as a peacemaker
• Concern about the humane treatment of animals
• A sense of responsibility
• Conscientiousness
• Creativity
• The tendency to feel love deeply
• A great intuitive ability
• An awareness of his unity with all beings
• The ability to have and appreciate deep spiritual experiences

from The Strong, Sensitive Boy by Zeff

Over the past year I’ve learned three things that Brody actually needs:

Comfort + Reassurance

Whether it’s a stubbed toe, a broken toe or hurt feelings, he needs extra comfort and extra love.

Gentle Correction instead of Punishment

For example when he knocks a glass off the table and spills it all over the floor, he knows he made a mistake. He feels the guilt and the sadness instantly. He doesn’t need a lecture or a time out. He needs gentle correction, then to move on quickly. Because he feels and thinks so deeply, it will eat him away and his feelings will just escalate until he makes it right.

Validation for his Feelings (not necessarily his actions) + To Be Heard

It’s okay for him to feel sad. It’s okay for him to cry. It’s okay for him to feel however he feels.

Time to be quiet and connect + Personal Attention

While some kids need a schedule and lots of activities to keep them busy (Piper), some do not. Brody needs chill time. He moves at a SLOW pace, and needs personal time and attention.

Kylee Maughan

Kylee started Kylee Ann Photography 9 years ago, and has since grown from a one woman amateur show to a full associate team. We shoot 50-75 weddings a year, and thrive on kindness and service. After a year of teaching Intro to Photography at the local technical college, she discovered that helping other entrepreneurs create thriving businesses is what fires her up! She hosts semi-annual Kylee Ann Sleepovers all over the US, speak at conferences and teach online courses about running a small business and marketing.

kyleeannphotography.com/kylee