Being a mother is definitely my greatest joy and biggest trial all wrapped into one. Four years ago, I had a beautiful, relatively easy pregnancy and gave birth to a wonderful healthy boy. Two years later, I was pregnant again, but this time it was much harder. I didn’t get very big, or have too much pain. Piper was beautiful, healthy and the easiest labor/delivery in history. But my mental health severely suffered. It’s been three years now that I’ve had postpartum anxiety and a billion other symptoms. And in that time I have had so many failed attempts at making me feel whole again. I plan to try UEI Kratom as I have heard some positive reviews recently.

After several years of struggling, I finally feel HOPE. Hope that I want to share because I KNOW I am not the only one on this path. In fact, the more I share, the more I’ve been connected to others that have similar stories. Anxiety, insomnia, stress, overwhelm, fear that it won’t get better, exhaustion. Sound familiar? Keep reading.

Normal or Not?

For three years now my health has been struggling. It started out with occasional anxious spells, a little insomnia and slight fatigue. But I pushed through. I kept writing it off as “Oh, I’m pregnant…this is normal” Then, “Oh, I just had a baby. This is normal.” But the longer it went, the worse I got and I knew it was not normal.

I am raising babies and growing a full-time photography studio serving 75+ brides and hundreds of families each year. I know I was supposed to be tired, stressed, anxious and all the other normal #momboss feels. But not at this level.

No One Knew

Only a few people knew how badly I was struggling because it’s hard to share. Those who I’ve really let in have heard it through lots and lots of tears. I do NOT let people in that deep.  Even my parents, sisters, best friends barely found out this summer when I was at my breaking point. The point where I NEEDED relief. Really the only person who knew it all was my husband and of course, my Heavenly Father.

On the surface, I was doing everything I needed to do. Survival mode. I was taking care of my children everyday, keeping the house picked up, running my business and all the jobs that come with it. If you were around me a lot, you probably couldn’t even tell. I was holding myself together just fine all while my insides were falling apart.

Another Trip to the Doctor

Doctor Google has failed me before, but not this time. I started searching my symptoms and knew my hormones HAD to play a part. So naturally, I went to the doctor. I requested blood work to check my hormones, and still…nothing. Instead, they decided that I was just overwhelmed with my workload, and should start on medication for depression and anxiety. My symptoms, but not my cause.

I’m not against medication. I definitely see it working miracles in my family and friends. But it wasn’t what I needed. Despite feeling wrong about the decision, I tried them. Five different kinds to be exact. Five times I tried, and five times they failed almost instantly. The first three times I threw them up within a few hours, and the rest of the day/night. Twice while I was pregnant requiring IVs.”It’s all in your head,” they said. (Trust me, I would never allow myself willingly to throw up. Worst fear!)  The fourth and fifth time I tried, I went into full panic. Which was NOT my symptom before the medication.

The last time I tried was in October. My sweet husband had to leave work in the middle of the day to save me from a panic attack. Piper was in kid’s club and I was curled up in a ball on the couch in the bathroom of the gym. Crying, stuck, scared. I couldn’t even walk down the hall to pick her up and get in the car.

Desperate for Relief

I was hopeless, and ready for ANYTHING to work. So anytime someone suggested something that worked for them, I did it. I tried Essential Oils, Magnesium and Natural Stress Relief supplements and Anxiety drops. I started getting Foot Zoned and Reiki Sessions regularly. I joined the gym and went three times a week. I got off gluten, decreased my sugar and went to bed earlier. I bought a hot tub. I started journaling, regular scripture study and so many prayers. I even bought an online course for getting rid of anxiety and stress in your life.

ALL of these things helped (and some I still do regularly), but my health was still on the decline.

A Trip to the ER

A few months ago, it really took a dive. I was out shooting a session when my memory went out. We went to the ER that night scared that I couldn’t remember a thing, and did a full work up. The MRI was clear and the doctor told me it was just a migraine. Well as time has gone on, that memory loss has started coming on a daily basis. I am forgetful. I lose things. I cannot even get to my sister or best friend’s homes without taking at least one wrong turn. Its scary. I read, and reread the same article and cannot comprehend a thing. Its like having a mom brain x 1000 all the time. I joke about it, but it started to scare me so much. Am I having early onset Alzheimers? Will it get worse? I’m only 24 for goodness sakes, how could this be?

Hope in Arizona

But no, it was not that at all. FINALLY, I have answers. Answers I have been searching for since the first time I cried to my first doctor that I needed help over two and a half years ago. I found hope and answers in Arizona. In November 2016, I had a photography conference in Scottsdale. My parents recommended that I go see their really great friend and one of Yoli’s top leader, Dr. Angie Cross. Angie is an amazing chiropractor that actually specializes in hormone therapy. It was just an Uber ride away, and I was desperate for help.

Angie had JUST started her practice in Arizona. In fact, I was the FIRST client in her new clinic. It was still under construction, but she saw me anyway. I couldn’t be more grateful to my mother for making this connection. It was truly meant to be. I sat in her beautiful new office and cried. She filled me with so much hope and promised she would get me back to full health. Not only did she do chiropractic and energy work on me, but she counseled me and just listened. She sent me home with a full lab work up via saliva test, and the results came in exactly how she predicted. And just what I predicted via Dr Google. I don’t even want to imagine where I would be in a year without these results!

Answers, finally!

My lab results are in and I have low progesterone AND cortisol. My cortisol levels are at a 5 in the morning when they should be at 18-20. And then of course they get lower throughout the day. What does all that mean? Well, it means ALL the symptoms I’ve had over the past three years have answers. My anxiety, insomnia, mood swings, stomach aches, migraines, acne, fatigue, foggy brain, backaches, etc. It’s NOT all in my head. It’s real. It’s answered. And if I wasn’t so dang tired, I would do a victory dance around the room right now.

LOW PROGESTERONE:

• acne
• depression
• anxiety
• mood swings
• insomnia
• fatigue
• foggy thinking
• migraines & headaches

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ADRENAL FATIGUE:

• mental and psychological ailments such as depression
• faintness and dizziness
• weakness and fatigue
• heart palpitations
• emotional hypersensitivity
• inability to cope with stress
• social anxiety
• muscle weakness
• headache, scalp ache, or general body ache
• severe or dull lower back pain
• extremely sensitive skin
• nausea, diarrhea, and vomiting
• abdominal pain and hunger pain despite an empty stomach
• extreme craving for salty foods
• anxiety and jitters
• clumsiness and confusion
• motion sickness
• insomnia and dark circles under the eyes
• low bladder capacity and symptoms of IBS
• irregular or non-existent menstrual period

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THE BEST PART IS….It’s not the end of my story.

It can be reversed. I can be healed. I can feel normal again. I can be me again. A stronger me.

SO why the heck would I share this publicly?

Anxiety is a scary topic to talk about. That’s why I haven’t opened up about it much. I’ve seen friends share their struggles with anxiety or depression and been judged. They’ve been told they lack faith and called weak. It’s embarrassing even though it shouldn’t be. Unfortunately when someone does not have emotional health struggles, it’s hard to grasp. But it is so common.

I share this because I know I was given this trial so I can help others through it. When we don’t share our trials we aren’t able to inspire or support others. What would be the point of all this learning be if I wasn’t willing to help the way so many others helped me? I was given this platform to share goodness.

I know not everyone will find their answers from lab work, or from hormone levels, but regardless of the cause, I know what it’s like to be on a lonely, debilitating path of anxiety.

 This is my story, but it’s not the end of my story. And this doesn’t have to be the end of your story either. I failed and failed and failed trying to fix myself, but I never gave up. Whether it’s been a few weeks, several months, three years or ten, you deserve to feel whole again. If you know something is not right, keep up the fight. Don’t take the first diagnoses or bottle of pills you are prescribed if it’s not right. Find what works for you. Fight for yourself. Remember that you are not alone. Not only do you have a loving God, but so many other men and women experiencing the same struggles daily. You WILL find your answers.

Anxiety (and everything else) does NOT define me, or you. It does NOT make you weak. You are STRONG for going through this every single day. It is lonely. It is debilitating. And you are a super hero for making life work while carrying this burden on your shoulders. You are amazing, and you are doing the best you can.

Kylee Maughan

Kylee started Kylee Ann Photography 9 years ago, and has since grown from a one woman amateur show to a full associate team. We shoot 50-75 weddings a year, and thrive on kindness and service. After a year of teaching Intro to Photography at the local technical college, she discovered that helping other entrepreneurs create thriving businesses is what fires her up! She hosts semi-annual Kylee Ann Sleepovers all over the US, speak at conferences and teach online courses about running a small business and marketing.

kyleeannphotography.com/kylee