I was not ready for baby number three. To be honest, I wondered if I ever would be.
I knew I wanted more than two kids. I knew I wanted to have them pretty close together. But I was not ready. I was scared. Extremely scared. In 2016 I had finally started coming out of postpartum anxiety and depression. Two years after Piper was born. I had suffered anxiety attacks, insomnia, panic attacks, med changes and a lot of grumpy, unmotivated days. I was not the wife or mother I wanted to be, and thinking of those low days scared me. I didn’t want to ever go back.
As a generally positive person, I wanted to be grateful and happy because I loved being pregnant and I loved so many parts of having Piper inside me, but at the same time I was in the darkest place of my entire life. Even though I knew I wanted more kids, I was so scared next time would be the same…or even worse.
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In 2017, I was interviewed on Mormon Mompreneur podcast. I remember listening to the interview a couple of times after it aired and being so blown away by God’s direction in my life. Like I told Sarah in my interview…it was never my plan to get married at 18, have my first baby before I graduated college, start a business or grow it into what it is today. At the very end of my interview she said “I am excited just to watch you. I feel like, gosh, if the Lord has turned your life into something you never dreamed of. What is the next decade going to look like for you?” I told her I was nervous, and ready to hang on tight and see where the crazy road would lead.
After listening to the interview a couple of times, I decided I was ready to take on whatever God had in store so I began to pray for guidance, study and search for answers. The answer came clear. My next move wasn’t a business move. It was time to bring my baby boy into the world. It was the first time in my life I had a clear answer to something through prayer. It was more than just a great feeling. I knew I was going to have a baby boy, and I knew everything was going to be okay.
I found out I was pregnant in N-Y-C a few weeks later. I had sent Luke down the streets of New York to buy a pregnancy test. I could hardly wait the three minutes. Immediately I felt different knowing there was a babe inside me depending on me to be better this time.
I was told everything would be okay. And it was.
I wasn’t ready for baby #3, but he was ready for us.
And he has brought so much love, joy and peace into our home.
Kylee Ann Maughan is a family and international brand photographer based in small-town Northern Utah. She has been a business owner for 13.5 years, and also runs a successful and award-winning associate team. Kylee hosts semi-annual retreats, speaks at conferences and teaches online courses about running a small business and marketing. Her niche in coaching is helping moms turn their passion into profit, while being the mom they dream of.
January 29, 2018
Kylee Maughan
