I learned this easy conflict blue print by Dr John Gottman at our marriage retreat last summer and it works miracles. It’s amazing what proper speaking and listening can do to resolve a conflict. I wish I started doing this when I first got married and saved a lot of tears and unneeded fights.
SPEAKER:
- Avoid “you” statements that are blaming in nature
- Use “I” statements.
- Express your feelings.
- Share your “positive need” opposed to a complaint.
“I feel xx when you xx because xx”
LISTENER:
- Listen carefully to your partner and reflect back what you understood are their needs and perception.
- Put your own “agenda” on hold. (Not easy, but so important.)
- Feel what your partner is feeling and let them know what you think they are feeling.
- “It makes sense to me that you would feel that way and have these needs, because…” This is “validating” your partner.
- Ask your partner clarity questions if you so desire.
Kylee started Kylee Ann Photography 9 years ago, and has since grown from a one woman amateur show to a full associate team. We shoot 50-75 weddings a year, and thrive on kindness and service. After a year of teaching Intro to Photography at the local technical college, she discovered that helping other entrepreneurs create thriving businesses is what fires her up! She hosts semi-annual Kylee Ann Sleepovers all over the US, speak at conferences and teach online courses about running a small business and marketing.
March 27, 2018
Kylee Maughan
