I learned this easy conflict blue print by Dr John Gottman at our marriage retreat last summer and it works miracles. It’s amazing what proper speaking and listening can do to resolve a conflict. I wish I started doing this when I first got married and saved a lot of tears and unneeded fights.

SPEAKER:

• Avoid “you” statements that are blaming in nature
• Use “I” statements.
• Express your feelings.
• Share your “positive need” opposed to a complaint.

“I feel xx when you xx because xx”

LISTENER:

• Listen carefully to your partner and reflect back what you understood are their needs and perception.
• Put your own “agenda” on hold. (Not easy, but so important.)
• Feel what your partner is feeling and let them know what you think they are feeling.
• “It makes sense to me that you would feel that way and have these needs, because…” This is “validating” your partner.
• Ask your partner clarity questions if you so desire.

Kylee Maughan

Kylee Ann Maughan is a family and international brand photographer based in small-town Northern Utah. She has been a business owner for 13.5 years, and also runs a successful and award-winning associate team. Kylee hosts semi-annual retreats, speaks at conferences and teaches online courses about running a small business and marketing. Her niche in coaching is helping moms turn their passion into profit, while being the mom they dream of. 

kyleeannphotography.com/kylee