I learned this easy conflict blue print by Dr John Gottman at our marriage retreat last summer and it works miracles. It’s amazing what proper speaking and listening can do to resolve a conflict. I wish I started doing this when I first got married and saved a lot of tears and unneeded fights.

SPEAKER:

• Avoid “you” statements that are blaming in nature
• Use “I” statements.
• Express your feelings.
• Share your “positive need” opposed to a complaint.

“I feel xx when you xx because xx”

LISTENER:

• Listen carefully to your partner and reflect back what you understood are their needs and perception.
• Put your own “agenda” on hold. (Not easy, but so important.)
• Feel what your partner is feeling and let them know what you think they are feeling.
• “It makes sense to me that you would feel that way and have these needs, because…” This is “validating” your partner.
• Ask your partner clarity questions if you so desire.

Kylee Maughan

Kylee is the owner and founder of Kylee Ann Studios, where she’s spent more than 15 years building a photography business rooted in creativity, connection, and serving her clients well. She’s a mom, business owner, and photographer who loves making people feel comfortable and capturing the real moments that make their stories unique.

She specializes in commercial and brand photography, family photography, weddings, and more throughout Cache Valley and Northern Utah.

kyleeannphotography.com/kylee